whelkstall

When I wrote the blog entry about Jackie I believed she had died a long time ago.

Work as a nurse in a psychiatric hospital attracted a lot of potty people and I'm sure I was no exception. The great thing was the comradeship.

When I stopped going around with Jackie there was one nurse, Faith, who believed we should get back together. She would press me about it on a daily basis and I suspect that Jackie got similar treatment. Faith was really enormous, with a persuasive personality to match, but despite her best efforts we didn't get back together and I eventually found someone else.

About five years later I met Faith again at an underground station and travelled into London with her. She told me that Jackie was very upset at losing me and gave me the impression that she had died in tragic circumstances. Apparently, it was my fault. The story was a bit muddled but it was something about self harming that had gone too far.

I had no way of checking out the story, but I have lived with that albatross ever since.

A few weeks ago I went for a job interview at a school in a seaside town. I didn't get the job, nor even a reply to tell me the outcome. While I was waiting for the call I drove around the streets near the seafront looking at the available housing. I parked in one street outside a house with a for sale sign and as I wrote down the details I became aware of a woman about the same age as me walking past.

She was older, a bit care worn perhaps, but it seemed unmistakable that it was Jackie. She didn't notice me and went into a house a few doors further along. A long dead albatross becomes insignificant. Mine started to twitch.

Now it is quite obvious that after so many years I could easily have been mistaken. People change in so many ways, but I was convinced I had seen someone from my past who I thought had died. I wasn't sure if it was possible to check. I knew her maiden name and date of birth, but if she had married it might be difficult to find her.

At home, I entered Jackie's maiden name and the address she had gone into at the seaside into 192.com. I got an electoral register hit and a Companies House reference that allowed me to confirm it was her from her date of birth. A couple more searches and I knew where she worked and her job title.

A long dead albatross was now flapping wildly. I felt relief, I felt voyeuristic but mostly I felt a curiousity that needs to be sated.

What does one do? Is the past best left alone? Would Jackie welcome contact from a ghost from her past?

Maybe the albatross just needs to be released.

I remember the very first time I fell in love. It was the 17^th of April and I met her as I was walking past the dustbins in the hospital we both worked at.

She was carrying a huge cake which she proceeded to throw into one of the bins. Her name was Jackie, and while walking back to the nurses home she explained that it was Billy Fury’s birthday and that she had been asked to buy the cake for a party but the driver had not turned up to collect it and her.

Jackie was just about the most beautiful girl I’d seen up until then and I wasn’t particularly hopeful, but I offered to take her out to help her cheer up and get over her disappointment. We went to the cinema to see Bonny and Clyde. She was a fan of Warren Beatty’s too but I don’t think there were any birthday celebrations involved there.

We had a really special relationship and it was very much about sharing each other’s company and interests. Then it just stopped and I don’t think either of us knew why.

I met another beautiful girl soon after.

I believe Jackie married and the last I heard she had died in tragic circumstances very young.

The reason Jackie has come to mind again is an entry I recently found on friendsreunited.co.uk for the hospital. Jackie is there, but not from the time I knew her. The entry is dated 2004 and has her being at the hospital from 2000 till the present.

Being curious, I called the hospital to find out about this apparent resurrection and discovered that nobody of that name had been working or been a patient in the hospital during the period in question. I tried sending a message to the person who made the entry, but the email address proved to be invalid

Where did that entry come from? Why would somebody enter Jackie’s details into friendsreunited in this way?

A strange situation that has made me reflect.